True friendship is mutual, reciprocal, and supportive in the times of ease and emergency. That means ride or die – when you have nothing, and when you have built something. A lot of people aren’t good friends, and thus don’t have good relationships because they don’t know how to encourage one another through the dreams, the bad decisions, failures, and rebuilding. A real friend remains committed to the relationship when others find reasons or excuses not to. Friends are builders of confidence, encouragers of dreams, and cheer leaders over the finish line; this includes 3am on the ledge calls and 7am call backs. I believe a person who knows how to be a good friend can use those attributes to manifest into an intimate partnership, and ultimately healthy marriage. Friends never let friends dream alone.
The bonds we have are influences in our lives; therefore, sisterhood and women bonding, and male bonding/brotherhood, can be positive for us as individuals, like Gayle and Oprah, having each other’s backs; or the relationship of Jonathan to David, as Jonathan stood up to his own father to protect his friend. I acknowledge that these friendships are important and can help women/men flourish.
We must be aware, however, that the less our respective friends know about our intimate life, dreams, and commitments to each other, the less we must fight off spirits wanting to see us fail with unintentional or intentional consequences. I support you in having as many girlfriends as you like, and enjoying girls’ nights as often as you like; yet, I want to be your confidante when it is all said and done; and you mine. When it comes down to it, I want to be your girlfriend and you, my bro, us as best friends.
Our relationship is just that, ours. It is not a community project for everyone to chime in with their uninvited/unwelcomed/unsolicited opinions of how we should feel and think about our relationship.
When we know each other’s passwords and use the other’s phone to make calls, that is an extension of our love, friendship, and true partnership. A friend calls out their friend when they are not living up to their potential. I promise that I will always be truthful, respectful, and deliberate in my words and when I am not, I expect you to call me out, in love.
You will be amazed at how things fall into place after letting go of past hurts and pain, attachments, false expectations and fear; as we learn to wait on Spirit as Abraham did.
I remember when I would get my hair plaited and then twisted to make a tight fitted braid down my scalp; and the pain that came with it. Despite the pain and time, it took, I was fly, so I continued to do it. I mention this because the understanding of the Hebrew word for “WAIT” is the same for “to plait the hair”, to intertwine sections of hair together so that is tight. Can you picture it? When we plait hair, it is no longer free to be loose because it is tightened and made stronger, just like US. So, WAITING is not passive. It is serving like a waiter but also intertwining our lives together in Spirit.
One of my favorite stories in the bible is when Abraham’s servant goes to find a wife for his master’s son, Isaac. He asks to find her by way of a specific prayer, praying to his master’s God that he may recognize her, because he himself was not a believer. He asked that the woman say, at the drinking well, “I will also give your camels a drink.” Lo and behold, Rebecca spoke exactly those words, confirming destiny. He then goes to her family and explains his master’s desires. They agree. Rebecca leaves with the servant. Upon meeting Isaac though a stranger, she ran into his arms, something every man wants; and he in return, takes her and loves her. It was a risk, but she somehow felt what was destined to be. Though the story does not reveal it, I have a feeling she, too, had her own specific prayer, which made her free to take a risk.
Because of the vision The Most High has for me in His desire for love, and not just because I am lonely. I love myself, yet I also desire the love of another, my other. That is different than being lonely or desperate. The Most High commands and expects us, men, and women to love for the sake of love, demonstrating His/Her love and vision for each of us.
I want to open up to my woman in a way that she knows, without a shadow of a doubt, that when I say; I like you, I see you, I got you and ultimately, I want you, she knows it.So, I can one day say those other important three words... Be My Wife.